This single-minded pursuit has no bump in the road

Single women are increasingly opting for in-vitro fertilisation to bring home a child now, braving social stigma
Single, and ready to go the parenthood way? Adoption is not the only option now. Single women in their late 30s and early 40s are increasingly braving in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) to experience the joys of a biological child, throwing the 'mother-out-of-wedlock' social stigma to the winds.
It's a relatively new trend, but has caught on in Pune, Mumbai and across the country in merely a couple of years, say experts.Not just doctors, scientists, educationists and bankers, many financially independent politicians and farmers who are single have begun opting for IVF as a means to beget an heir without the trappings of a relationship.
Dr Sunita Tandulwadkar, chief of Ruby Hall Clinic's IVF and endoscopy centre, is currently treating many such single women for IVF. "We observed that many single females in their late 30s and early 40s are choosing IVF as an option to attain motherhood. Even three to four years ago, it was not so much in demand as they were hesitant owing to social pressures. But now, many are deciding to become mothers out of wedlock, mainly because they do not want to end up alone,"shared Tandulwadkar. So strong is the demand that the clinic has even begun renovation to accommodate more and more number of women signing up for the procedure.
"There are many who say they did not find a suitable partner, while others kept marriage on hold to make it to the top in their respective careers. But, all of them wanted to become a mother and wanted someone to be there with them. Many are currently under treatment and going in for cycles, whereas others are scheduled for the procedure," added Tandulwadkar, who is also the vice president at The Federation of Obstetric and Gynecological Societies of India (FOGSI) and the vice chairman of Maharashtra's Indian Society for Assisted Reproduction (ISAR).
Speaking about one of her patients, she said, "There is a 43-year-old professional from Pune — now a high-profile doctor working in Dubai — who decided on an IVF procedure as she has less chances of getting a suitable partner at this age. But, unfortunately in Dubai, single women are not allowed to get pregnant, owing to which she has now chosen a job in the UK and will soon be settling down with her child there."
Some families are even supporting their 40-plus daughters to go ahead with IVF in order to realise their dreams of becoming grandparents. "Parents of a banker woman reasoned that they do not want their daughter to be left alone when they are gone, which is what prompted them to support her choice of becoming a mother at 39," Tandulwadkar explained.
Delhi ISAR secretary Dr Shivani Gour confirmed the growing trend, saying, "I have many politicians in the 30-40 age group who come in for IVF. There are women from parties like Congress, Aam Aadmi Party, and the Bharatiya Janata Party among others. We get a lot of doctors as well, for most of us in this profession often end up marrying late; advancing age also makes it difficult to find the right partner. So, IVF is a natural option. Two lawyers from Pune are currently undergoing IVF with me. Both are friends and chose it due to their age factor, failed relationships and lack of family support. They need a child of their own on whom they can spend their savings."
One of Gour's patients, 42-year old Rekha (name changed) was the head of an organsiation in Delhi. "She waited for 20 years for her boyfriend to pop the 'question', but he kept delaying. In fact, she even told him that she is going for IVF, but he did not respond. In January this year, she delivered a baby boy. Now, she is happy to be a mother, having someone who will love her unconditionally," she recounted.
There are also those who are divorced or widowed, who do not want to get married again but want a child as they could not get pregnant before. Gaur said that families do show their support to such women and many have become mothers in the last two years. "People have become more and more open to such choices now. Though there are certain women who still opt for surrogacy due to societal stigma and patriarchal oppression, almost 10 per cent of patients opting for IVF now are single women, which is a welcome change," she added.
ISAR vice president Dr Jaideep Malhotra stressed, "I have many single non-resident Indians (NRIs) coming in for IVF, who are mainly in their late 30s. In fact, even women from farming families — who are divorced or widowed but left with a lot of property and the lack of an heir — approach us for the procedure. These women are also choosing to become a mother without a man in their life."
Dr Duru Shah, director of Gynaecworld and president-elect of ISAR said, "This is internationally accepted, but somehow here there is a lot of stigma in India, which is why many choose surrogacy over IVF. This trend shows that women are becoming increasingly independent."
But, FOGSI secretary general Dr Hrishikesh Pai contended, "There are many who come asking, even argue that becoming a mother is their right and to have children, you do not need to be married. But then, there are some like me who choose to wait for the government to come up with guidelines and regulations. Also there are feminists who claim that one has the right to have children. But that does not mean that ethics should be compromised."